Fight-Or-Flight

Self-Portrait with Koi, Oregon Garden  

original post: 12|27|11


With the turning of the New Year rapidly approaching, and with Winter Solstice recently passed, it comes as no surprise that I find myself reflecting on this tumultuous past year. 

It's been a year of extremes, from the Arab Spring to Occupy Wall Street. It seems that the ideals of Democracy are getting legs and are taking a courageous hike around the world.

In my own small way, I've been doing my part to support this drive for fairness and empowerment. I've not taken to the streets, but I've certainly shared information and entered into dialogue when it seemed appropriate.

What I've learned from this past year is that it's wise to use caution and discernment when jumping into an ongoing discussion. Not always known for those qualities in the past, I'm practicing them now. The nice thing about 'practice' is that it means that we do not have to be perfect, but only strive for mastery. 

With that wisdom in mind, I confess to engaging with someone right before Christmas who was not only disrespectful of me and my position, but who also pushed boundaries of respect within the Social Media community.

With a reach of nearly 40,000, he is a person of some influence. I liked him, but was circumspect because I knew that we were on opposing sides of the great cultural divide that has us all in its grip. I refrained from challenging, choosing rather to engage only with those subjects upon which we agreed.

The rift occurred when I posted the Huffington Post article* on The Newt's most recent run-in with a citizen. Rather than addressing the issue in a mature fashion, he used passive-aggressive methods that were both accusatory, confusing, and shocking.
*Huffington Post 12|21|11  

Was he actually insulting me? Right there in my timeline? Engaging with him further, I discerned that, indeed, he was. Adrenaline rushed into my bloodstream. That old call of 'fight or flight' had me in its grip.

When I called him on it with an arrow-point sharpness, it came as no big surprise that he resented it, deeply. It became rather nasty in a hurry, and ended with both of us unfriending and unfollowing, much like grade-school children, I'm sorry to report.

I don't claim to be someone who never uses passive-aggression to make a point or get my way. It can come in handy at times, but must be used judiciously. I've found, however, that those who rely on it to get through life are the ones who hate it most when it's either used on them, or when their behavior is reflected back to them with clarity.

Social Media platforms offer the first refuge for the passive-aggressive personality. Dive-bombing another's timeline and then disappearing like smoke; the comfort of their iPhone is the perfect coward's lair.

The result of this fruitless exchange is that I have a new-found respect for the power of engagement, for good or ill, and with fresh wisdom and insight, I offer:

Nine Fool-Proof Methods For Mishap-free Social Media Engagement ... 

Hibiscus Seduction

1) Think before you respond.

2) Be proactive rather than reactive.

3) Post topics that stimulate positive discussion.

4) Choose to engage only in reasonable and respectful discussions.

5) Avoid the enraged and polarized. 

6) If someone is disrespectful, shine a light on it.

7) Continue to focus on the positives.

8) Use discernment before bringing others into your circle.

9) Practice. Practice. Practice.


New Year 2012 is bound to be just as tumultuous as 2011. We may have to dig deep to be the forces for good that we strive to be. I wish us all positive, fruitful, and enlightening connections in the coming year. 

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